


Painiversary

by TheMajesticLauren



Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Brotherhood: Final Fantasy XV, Childhood Injury, Childhood Trauma, Chronic Pain, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Spoonie noctis, Written by a Spoonie, brotherhood era, vent - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-14
Updated: 2018-08-14
Packaged: 2019-06-27 13:26:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,293
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15686319
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheMajesticLauren/pseuds/TheMajesticLauren
Summary: It's been exactly 1 year since the Marilith attacked, and Noctis doesn't know why this bothers him so much.





	Painiversary

**Author's Note:**

> Ok so, this is absolutely a vent story. Little background: I had back surgery around the same age as Noct and had to relearn to walk and had a paralyzed arm so I kinda know what he went through. Also, today is the 5th anniversary of having a type of chronic pain called NDPH, so the conversations in this are ones I've thought and had today.
> 
> Alright, I hope you enjoy <3

_‘It’s been a year.’_ Noctis thought, _‘One year since everything changed.’_

Noctis woke up in pain, not that that was a surprise in any way. He’d been in pain every day for the last year. Noct had spent the previous night awake, lying in bed terrified that the little progress he had made would somehow be revoked if he went to sleep again.

He was supposed to get up and out of bed. He was supposed to go to physical therapy and work on walking more steady again. But he didn’t want to. He wanted to stay right where he was, in bed under the covers, where the Marilith couldn’t touch him again. He knew he was overplaying it; he was almost ten years old! It should have been just another day.

But it wasn’t.

He had overheard the doctors and therapists. Despite how much they told him he’d get back to normal, he knew they were lying. He knew he would always be in pain, even if it was dulled. He knew he would always limp during rainy days and cry during rainy nights. It wasn’t fair.

But he was the prince, so he had to suck it up. Didn’t mean he had to like it.

When Ignis came for him in the afternoon, it was clear the boy hadn’t slept a wink the night before. Ignis let out a sympathetic sigh and kneeled down to the bed’s height. “Would you rather they came to you instead, today?”

Noctis felt tears form in his eyes but he quickly fought them. Normally he’d be all for Ignis making his life easier. But today it felt cheap and it made him angry in a way he didn’t like. Ignis knew what he was going through the most; he had been there by his side every day, but today it felt like he was alone in his pain.

“I can do it.” Noctis snapped as he slowly attempted to sit up. Luckily Ignis didn’t seem to take it to heart. The advisor-to-be was smart, he knew anything his prince said today wasn’t real. His uncle and the king had warned him of what today meant, but he didn’t need them to. He had been dreading this day almost as much as Noct had.

Ignis stood up and carefully helped Noct sit up. Once his feet were over the side of the bed, Ignis stepped back. They both knew he would need help, but Noct appreciated letting him try by himself first. Noctis locked his knees and stood, clearly in pain but looking triumphant all the same. Next was walking.

Ignis stood behind him, letting him set his pace. He could feel Ignis’ hands twitching at his own sides, clearly wanting to hover in case he fell despite Noct saying multiple times how much he hated it. He felt that if he knew there were hands ready to catch him, it made it all to easy to give in. (Ignis and the doctors disagreed.)

When Noctis got to the table and sat in the chair he sighed in relief, glad that the Six had at least allowed today to be a hard-surface day. Some days he could only stand couches or had to sit with pillows behind his back at all times. It was horrifying the amount of times Ignis would pull a small pillow out from his bag for him in the middle of a meeting or conversation.

While Ignis cooked a quick meal for him, a mix of both breakfast and lunch since he had overslept, they had a casual conversation. Noctis appreciated the attempt at keeping the day as regular as possible. Ignis, on the other hand, knew the other shoe would drop eventually and wanted to keep it from happening for as long as possible. Preferably where it was just the two of them and Noctis didn’t have to hold back.

After slowly getting dressed, the two boys walked the short distance to the medical wing. Noctis noticed that there were more glaives around than usual and silently thanked his dad. The extra protection helped to calm his anxiety.

Once they arrived at the medical wing, Ignis went to speak to his doctor while the prince hobbled over to the physical therapist. Of course his back would start to hurt more as soon as it was time to actually do something. He laid down and slowly went through the leg, back, and arm stretches. All he had done was stretched and he already felt over it all. Noctis looked around and noticed that his wheelchair from his room had appeared. Count on Ignis to know when his limits were met.

As he continued through the work, he grew more and more frustrated with himself every time he paused or fell. Deep breathing wasn’t helping no matter how often he was told to try. Ignis was off to the side, worried and wondering if he should end the therapy early. He quickly motioned to the therapist to stop once he saw Noct quickly wipe away a stray tear. 

“I think that’s enough for today, your highness. You remember the stretches for later, yeah?” The therapist said to the prince as he helped him sit up. Ignis took over for him and helped him stand. It would have been easier to have Noctis immediately sit in the wheelchair, but he let him walk the few steps over to it. He was just glad the prince didn’t outright reject the chair. It was a testament to how much he was hurting, though.

“Hey Ignis.” Noctis mumbled.

“Yes, your highness?”

Noctis didn’t even correct him on his name. “Can you take me to the garden?” He quietly asked, rubbing his knee and setting the ice pack on it.

Ignis was so glad he didn’t want to be shut off in his room and said “Of course.”

When they stopped in the garden and Ignis sat on the bench next to him, it was clear on the boy’s face that he had something on his mind. Noctis never responded well to proding, so Ignis sat quietly and gave off the aura that he was listening. He didn’t have to wait too long.

“I hate this. I hate that I know how far I’ve come but it’s still not enough. I hate that I had to relearn how to walk in the first place. I hated being paralyzed. I hate that I put dad through this. I hate that the Ma-Marilith is still out there…” Noctis trailed off, tears running down his face and eyes shut.

“Oh Noct.” Ignis said, gently putting a hand on his shoulder. “It’s alright to be upset. And you’re doing really well.”

Noctis interrupted him. “Why is today so bad? It’s not any different, not really.” He said, trying to convince himself.

“But your highness, today is different. You can act as if it’s not, if you’d like, but it is. Everything changed one year ago.” Ignis told him, mirroring his own thoughts from the same morning.

“You’re grieving a pain-free childhood that you lost a year ago.”

And Noctis broke.

The prince sobbed into his soon-to-be advisor’s shoulder and let the older boy shelter him from the world. He grieved the loss of a painless life; of a life with no childhood trauma and after effects. But he did not grieve alone. He had Ignis by his side, his dad to protect him. Later on he would gain his very own shield and a best friend who would never leave his side.

The pain would never leave, but that was okay. It was a part of him, just like his love of fishing and his faithful retinue. Til death do him part.

**Author's Note:**

> <3
> 
> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/_NOCTlS)   
>  [Tumblr](https://desmondmlles.tumblr.com)


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